One Got Married and The Other One Left.

After my dreamy night with Tony, I had to return to reality the next day. I was quickly jolted into reality when I received a Facebook message from Andrew, he was getting married and wanted to tell me himself. Yes, the same Andrew that was trying to get in my bed less than six months ago had met a woman fell in love and was getting married. It wasn’t that I wanted to be with him but really? He was getting married, already?

Should I congratulate him, I thought to myself? Damn, where is the middle finger emoji? Yes, that is what mature people do. So I shot him a quick Facebook message back, “Wow, that is such great news. Congratulations. Who is the lucky girl?” He replied back with some general, ‘thank you’ type of response and I let it go at that, it wasn’t like I really wanted to know who she was. It crept into my mind a few times that day and by the next day I was furious. I kept asking myself, was he dating this woman when he was in LA last? Was I, once again, the other woman? Technically I was the other woman to Katy; my x had met and dated her before he and I met. After two days had passed I couldn’t help myself and sent the aggressive email, asking all the questions I shouldn’t have asked. I wrote the email after half of a sleeping pill and two glasses of wine, I never read his reply- I just deleted it.

Journal Entry 4/21/ 13

The married one has my head, but I am protecting my heart. I think about Tony a lot. He is such a great guy; thoughtful, kind, smart, wonderful, follows through on what he says and …oh yeah, he is married, and he is leaving in less than a week. He actually said to me the other night, “you should come visit this summer.” I agreed and said I would love to, full well knowing that it will never happen. I knew I was in trouble when I let him come over to my apartment. I never let any men come over to my apartment.

On Tony’s last day in town, he would be working all day. At 6:30 am, I got a call from him. He was at my apartment building front door and wanted to come in. I jumped out of bed grabbed my toothbrush, went to the bathroom at the same time as brushing my teeth, threw some water on my face, ran my finger through my hair and answered the door. I only lived on the second floor, so I didn’t have much time. He was standing at my door with a case of wine.
“I told you I would get you some wine,” he said as I opened the door. I was in total shock; one because he remembered- he had said that the frist night we had dinner, and two because he was standing at my door at 6:30am. He brought the wine inside and sat on my couch, gave me a giant kiss asked me about what my day was going to be like and then kissed me again. He was already late for work, and as much as I wanted him to stay I knew he had to leave. As he stood up he said, “Please come see me tonight when I am done with work, I want to say goodbye properly.” I told him I would love to and watched him walk out my door.

His last night we stayed up most of the night and at 5:30am he left. He had text me as the plane took off and then when he landed he text, “I will miss you sweets.” That was that.

It had been six days, and I didn’t know if I missed him or the idea of him. I knew I missed the feeling of knowing someone was thinking about me.

Journal Entry 5/3/2013

“I want to be in love. I want to be loved.”

After a taste of someone caring about me, I realized that I realized missed having someone to care about and care about me in return. I guess I should be happy to have felt that, even if for that moment.

Journal Entry 5/28/2013

Hawaii for Memorial Day is just what I needed. I was reading a fabulous new book and now had a new favorite quote, one I still love today.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

– Joseph Campbell

I had decided, at that moment, I knew what I really needed was to figure out how to love and care for myself. I wasn’t even sure what that really meant at the time but I would figure it out. I decided the first step would be to celebrate my birthday; it wasn’t for a couple of months, but I usually had lunch with a girlfriend or small dinner. This year I was going to have a party!

I had decided to move out of my apartment as well. Since we had closed the office a couple of months ago, Jack, and I and Style Studio did not fit into my 700sq ft space, and the party would double as a housewarming party! I hadn’t had a real party since my epic 29th birthday celebration, and this party would give me something to be excited about.

When I got back to LA I started planning the party right away even though I wasn’t sure where I was going to be living. Jack was all too excited to jump in and help- he loved anything to distract him from planning the actual move. I was also excited that week because my good friends from Napa were in town and had invited me to a wine dinner. It was always an interesting crowd at a dinner like this and the fact I was seated across from and painfully gorgeous Australian didn’t hurt.

Single and Stylish,

xx Keylee

 

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage.

After dinner with a friend it happened, my 20 seconds of total courage. I was in the elevator and gave a courtesy hello to the man that walked in with me. I usually never even look at the other person or people in an elevator with me. Once he said hello back, I couldn’t help but look. He was handsome, dressed in a black suit custom black suit, white shirt left slightly open with no tie, glasses, olive skin. More than his physical looks, he had that silent something. From the moment, he opened his mouth I could feel the electricity between us. We both found ourselves at the valet, and we tried to make small talk. I went to what I know, and since he was wearing the most beautiful pair of black Italian shoes I decided to comment. The best part was that he had different color laces, one that had come with the shoe in black and the other; he had obviously put the lace in the shoe himself, was blue. So I said that the obvious, “ I like your laces.”

He smiled slightly and said, “Yeah, well I need to take them to wardrobe and have them fix the lacing.”

“Well if we weren’t standing in a valet line I would fix them for you, it’s what I do for a living.” I quipped back.

“I’m Tony,” he said as he stuck out his hand.

“Hi, my name Keylee,” I replied.

He smiled at me, and the chemistry was strong I felt like the walls behind him were moving around us. You know, one of those moments when the world keeps moving, but you stand still? Suddenly my car pulled up.

“Is that your car?” He asked, knowing it wasn’t his.

“Yeah,” I said like I was thirteen years old.

“Too bad,” he replied.

“ Yeah, too bad,” I repeated. “Well, see you around.”

“I hope,” he replied with a slight smile.

Damn! I thought to myself. He was cute and nice, I wish the valet would have taken their time! Why did my car come so fast? As I pulled out of the garage, the attendant took my ticket. I could see another car pulling around, and I assumed it was his. I decided to be brave, I reached in my handbag and got a business card.

“There is going to me a handsome man in a black suit pulling out directly behind me, would you please give this to him?” I said to the attendant.

“Sure,” he answered clearly taken back a bit by my request.

I thanked him with a smile and pulled out of the garage. Go me, I thought to myself!

Within two minutes, my text alert went off on my phone. At the next stoplight I looked down, it was from a number I didn’t know, the text read; “The best move I have seen yet. Very smooth. I like it.”

My stomach flipped. I waited till I got home, only about 5 minutes, and text him back, “Thanks, I do what I can! It was nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, maybe we could go to dinner sometime?” He shot back.

“Is that an invite?” I text.

“Yeah, I will text you tomorrow from set when I know my schedule. Have a good night.” He shot back.

I, of course, didn’t text him back, and the cynical part of me thought it would be the last time I would hear from him. The single hopeful part of me felt my stomach flip again. What does he mean, “on set?” Ugh, clearing he worked in the industry- blah. I had no interest in dating an actor!

The next morning I got out of bed with a bit of bounce in my step, patting myself on the back for my bold move! Even if nothing else happened, it was a good move.

By lunch, he had text me again asking me to dinner. I was leaving town for the weekend but said I would be back early the following week, and I would love to meet him for dinner. He text back, “great, I will make a plan and let you know.”

Again, history had taught me not to hold my breath but something about him was different. That weekend I was in Chicago for a girlfriends birthday, I mentioned my impending date but that I couldn’t figure out who he was. After a bit of research it landed, and I was in shock. He was not only a bi-costal restaurant owner he was also working in television though I was totally sure what his project was. Us girls were chatting about him over a few cocktails when one of the girls piped up, “isn’t he married?” “WHAT,” I shrieked. “Are you serious? I don’t think so. Maybe we have the wrong guy?” I said, praying I was right. Damn it Google image, it was no mistake that was Tony though I couldn’t find anything about a wife. I decided to change the subject and deal with this later.

When I got back to LA, all I could think about was Tony. About that time he text to confirm dinner. I agreed, and it suddenly occurred to me, maybe this is a business dinner. I mentioned that I was a stylist, and maybe he needs one. Maybe he has zero interest in me at all, and this is all about work. I decided to play it safe and pick a dress that was 90% businesswoman and 10% sexy businesswoman, a bold handbag and Louboutins to top off the look. It was perfect for my non-date/ possible business meeting evening.

When I walked into the restaurant, which I had never been to, the first thing I noticed was his face on a cookbook, front, and center. Wait, what? Did he ask me to dinner at his restaurant? Part of me sighed with relief; clearly this was a business meeting. When I told the host, I was there to meet Tony she immediately took me to a fabulous table and asked me to wait. Soon he showed up with a bottle of wine and sat down. I noticed his name was on the bottle, but I said nothing. We made small talk at first and when it was time to order, he asked what I liked. I told him just to order, he obviously knew the best things on the menu. The wine was amazing, the food was fabulous, and the conversation beat it all.

As we sat there, I went back and forth in my head. Date or meeting? Date or meeting? He told me he like my dress, totally a date! It felt like a date; the conversation was like a date, and I wanted to kiss him like it was a date. Then he turned the conversation to work, so maybe it was a meeting. I was confused.

Then the conversation turned back into a date, “so do you have any kids?” He asked.

I gave my standard date answer, “No, not yet, but I defiantly want a family.”

“Kids are the best,” he said.

“So you have kids?” I asked casually.

“Yeah I have two, they are amazing.” He said with a smile as he reached for his phone.

As he scrolled through photos of his two boys, one photo was with a woman that appeared to be a mom. “Is that his mom?” I asked.

“Yeah, that is my wife.” He said like it was no big deal.

Meeting, yep this is a meeting, this for sure is a meeting. Oh, shit I thought to myself I hope he doesn’t think that I think this is a date.

He went on, “we haven’t been married very long and are separated but are really good friends, so we are staying together for the boys. We don’t even really live together anymore.”

No, no, no, I said to myself. It doesn’t matter what he says; he is MARRIED! End of story.

As we finished dinner and walked to the valet, I handed them my ticket. As we stood waiting for my car, it felt like a date again. Something about his eyes was mesmerizing. As my car pulled up he gave me a hug, I thanked him for dinner, and we said goodbye. He got into his car, and I drove home. “DAMN IT,” I screamed in my car alone. I have a connection with this guy and of course he is fucking married! Sigh.

Single and Stylish,
xx Keylee

Give the attendant my business card was a bold move and if you know me I do love bold things. Nothing says bold like a bright red handbag! I am loving the new super bright orange-red and poppy red colors for summer!

 

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Self Love!

Valentines Day has never been a favorite holiday of mine. I think those feelings started in college when my boyfriend at the time waited so long to buy me flowers a flower that the only thing our local grocery store had was one that was mostly dead. My mother warned me he was lame. The only bright spot in my Valentines Day is my father! Every year since I was in Kindergarten he has sent me flowers. No matter where I am in the world, which let’s face it at times I can be tricky to locate, he always manages to find me and has flowers delivered!

When you are single Valentines Day can go one of two ways. You can hate the day and every happy in love person you encounter, giving dirty looks to anyone who looks remotely in love and you wearing all black. Or, you can join in on the love fest and celebrate those in you life you love- romantically or not! Celebrate your girlfriends, your sister, your best friend, and the woman you see every week at the dry cleaners, your nieces or nephews, and of course treat yourself with a little something special as well! I am a big believer in celebrating me all days of the year, especially on February 14th!

In the midst of this love fest holiday I will warn you of a few precautions you should take; steer clear of romantic restaurants, rom-coms, and most all of social media that day. You don’t have to hate the day but living everyone else’s romantic holiday when you are a single may cause nausea, vomiting, heavy drinking, and texting under the influence.

Love, Keylee

My Valentines Day Gift Guide for you or for someone you love:

He Said, She Said.

Well, I did it. I survived the first year of being single. My first Valentines Day, first birthday, first wedding anniversary, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first New Years and finally my first year anniversary of walking out on the life I knew. I did it! Wahoo, my year of firsts was over! Then it occurred to me, now I have to have a year of seconds, and I was still single! Ugh! One of the ways I got through the first year was telling myself, “don’t worry next year will be different!” Would it really be or was I still lying to myself?

January had been a very tough month. While in New York for the Miss New York USA pageant, I got very sick. I called my super doctor in Beverly Hills and asked for my usual miracle cure cocktail; antibiotics strong enough to cure an elephant, pain-killers, steroid inhaler and the “really good” cough syrup. He told me he couldn’t prescribe a narcotic across state lines and that I needed to see a doctor in New York. Blah, so annoying, I didn’t have time to see a doctor, I had a hundred things to do before the pageant and being sick was not one of them.

Thank goodness Jack was there, I agreed to go to urgent care so I could get some meds. Jack drove me to the urgent care and I ended up in the emergency room. I found myself waiting in the hallway on a stretcher with Jack sitting at the end of my bed covering his face with his scarf; he looked a little like the paparazzi photos of Michael Jackson. After a chest x-ray and a few tests and a lot of waiting around, I found out I had come down with pneumonia, for the second time in my life. I was laid out on a stretcher and not even a cute doctor in sight! Jack filled out all of the paperwork and gave them my insurance info.

“Sorry ma’am, do you have another insurance card? This one is no good.” The admissions lady informed me as I lie in a hospital bed wishing I could just go home.

“Excuse me, what do you mean it is not good. We have insurance; you must have entered it wrong!” Jack said like the momma bear he was, his voice going into the higher pitch it reached when he was really getting angry.

The woman walked back and pretended she tried it again. When she walked back, she said, “I am sorry, this is no good” and shoved the card back to Jack.

“Where is my phone?” I said with as much energy as I could.

“Why?” Jack asked.

“Give it to me!” I snapped.

I started furiously texting my ex. “What the fuck! I am in the hospital and being told I have no health insurance, are you fucking kidding me??? After all the shit, you put me through and now I have to deal with this?”

He text back fairly quickly, acting concerned and confused. “What? Are you ok? What happened? Of course, you have insurance!”

“Well, I am being told I don’t, you need to fix this and fix it NOW!” I typed back.

“I will fix it! ARE YOU OK???” He demanded.

“I am fine, just get my insurance fixed!” I was in no mood to fill him in on personal details of my life, nor did I want his sympathy.

I had to sign my life away to get out of the hospital, but to be fair I found out I did have insurance. He had changed insurance plans, and I didn’t have the proper card. But it was his fault that I didn’t have the card, at least I did have some insurance though I would be paying off that ER visit for the next year.

We had just finished Miss California USA the weekend before, and the New York pageant was going to be even more work, it was a more green staff and I had spent months working on it. I was beside myself, thank God Jack was there. We left the ER, went to Walgreens for the usual; prescriptions, Kleenex (the hotel tissue was shit), Gatorade, saltine crackers, cough drops and gossip magazines. The doctor said I had to stay in bed and couldn’t leave my room. What? How the hell was I going to do that when I had a pageant to produce? I had two days until the girls checked in so I decided I would be totally well by then! Yes, it had been a rough year but I wasn’t in that bad of shape, I thought to myself. I was sure I would bounce back quickly; I survived the last year I could survive this.

As I lay in my hotel bed, which was only marginally more comfortable than the hospital stretcher, I found myself too tired to even operate the remote to turn the channel on my TV. Fuck, I was really sick! I hated being sick, especially away from home. I didn’t even have anyone to send me flowers or that I could call and complain about how sick I was. My business partner was nice about it, but I could tell he was stressed. I was staying in my room in order to not expose anyone else on staff and have them get sick!

As the days moved on, I wasn’t getting better. As contestants arrived, I told myself that I would stay in bed until competition night and then would feel better! Well, that wasn’t true either but after a couple of days the guilt and stress took over. I managed to take a shower and wash my hair; I had to lie back down after that. The most simple task simply exhausted me.

I finally made it the theatre where the pageant was being held and about half way through the first show and after finishing a bit of filming I had committed to doing. I had to go back; I was too sick. I felt so awful for leaving everyone else with all the work and not being there to the level I should have. I missed almost all of it; I missed most of the weekend.

At the end as sad as I was to miss the pageant, but I was happy it was over. I couldn’t wait to get home, I had less than a week before we left for Paris and I wasn’t about to be sick on that trip!

Ah, Paris. I was excited beyond description!

Single & Stylish,

Xx Keylee

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.