One Got Married and The Other One Left.

After my dreamy night with Tony, I had to return to reality the next day. I was quickly jolted into reality when I received a Facebook message from Andrew, he was getting married and wanted to tell me himself. Yes, the same Andrew that was trying to get in my bed less than six months ago had met a woman fell in love and was getting married. It wasn’t that I wanted to be with him but really? He was getting married, already?

Should I congratulate him, I thought to myself? Damn, where is the middle finger emoji? Yes, that is what mature people do. So I shot him a quick Facebook message back, “Wow, that is such great news. Congratulations. Who is the lucky girl?” He replied back with some general, ‘thank you’ type of response and I let it go at that, it wasn’t like I really wanted to know who she was. It crept into my mind a few times that day and by the next day I was furious. I kept asking myself, was he dating this woman when he was in LA last? Was I, once again, the other woman? Technically I was the other woman to Katy; my x had met and dated her before he and I met. After two days had passed I couldn’t help myself and sent the aggressive email, asking all the questions I shouldn’t have asked. I wrote the email after half of a sleeping pill and two glasses of wine, I never read his reply- I just deleted it.

Journal Entry 4/21/ 13

The married one has my head, but I am protecting my heart. I think about Tony a lot. He is such a great guy; thoughtful, kind, smart, wonderful, follows through on what he says and …oh yeah, he is married, and he is leaving in less than a week. He actually said to me the other night, “you should come visit this summer.” I agreed and said I would love to, full well knowing that it will never happen. I knew I was in trouble when I let him come over to my apartment. I never let any men come over to my apartment.

On Tony’s last day in town, he would be working all day. At 6:30 am, I got a call from him. He was at my apartment building front door and wanted to come in. I jumped out of bed grabbed my toothbrush, went to the bathroom at the same time as brushing my teeth, threw some water on my face, ran my finger through my hair and answered the door. I only lived on the second floor, so I didn’t have much time. He was standing at my door with a case of wine.
“I told you I would get you some wine,” he said as I opened the door. I was in total shock; one because he remembered- he had said that the frist night we had dinner, and two because he was standing at my door at 6:30am. He brought the wine inside and sat on my couch, gave me a giant kiss asked me about what my day was going to be like and then kissed me again. He was already late for work, and as much as I wanted him to stay I knew he had to leave. As he stood up he said, “Please come see me tonight when I am done with work, I want to say goodbye properly.” I told him I would love to and watched him walk out my door.

His last night we stayed up most of the night and at 5:30am he left. He had text me as the plane took off and then when he landed he text, “I will miss you sweets.” That was that.

It had been six days, and I didn’t know if I missed him or the idea of him. I knew I missed the feeling of knowing someone was thinking about me.

Journal Entry 5/3/2013

“I want to be in love. I want to be loved.”

After a taste of someone caring about me, I realized that I realized missed having someone to care about and care about me in return. I guess I should be happy to have felt that, even if for that moment.

Journal Entry 5/28/2013

Hawaii for Memorial Day is just what I needed. I was reading a fabulous new book and now had a new favorite quote, one I still love today.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

– Joseph Campbell

I had decided, at that moment, I knew what I really needed was to figure out how to love and care for myself. I wasn’t even sure what that really meant at the time but I would figure it out. I decided the first step would be to celebrate my birthday; it wasn’t for a couple of months, but I usually had lunch with a girlfriend or small dinner. This year I was going to have a party!

I had decided to move out of my apartment as well. Since we had closed the office a couple of months ago, Jack, and I and Style Studio did not fit into my 700sq ft space, and the party would double as a housewarming party! I hadn’t had a real party since my epic 29th birthday celebration, and this party would give me something to be excited about.

When I got back to LA I started planning the party right away even though I wasn’t sure where I was going to be living. Jack was all too excited to jump in and help- he loved anything to distract him from planning the actual move. I was also excited that week because my good friends from Napa were in town and had invited me to a wine dinner. It was always an interesting crowd at a dinner like this and the fact I was seated across from and painfully gorgeous Australian didn’t hurt.

Single and Stylish,

xx Keylee

 

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Don’t Sweat-er It!

After spending the past week in New York, all I can think about is sweaters!!!!! Fall is my favorite fashion time of year, and first thing on my list is SWEATERS! Check out a few of my picks in the sweater department – all on SALE!

Happy Shopping!

xx, Keylee

The Shit Had Hit The Fan.

Once Sam and I were back in LA I decided that if I didn’t tell anyone about my “incident” then it didn’t really happen. Yep, that theory seemed rational to me. So, I told no one. It didn’t even occur to me, at the time; that maybe stuffing things down and not talking about them was how I got to this point in the first place. I went about my business, and when anyone asked me how the trip was, I only discussed how much fun we had and how beautiful it was. It was true; we had an unbelievable amount of fun and details of the trip were not anyone else’s business. Let’s just say my next therapy appointment couldn’t come soon enough. I hadn’t seen Sabrina in several weeks, and I had become paranoid I would have another outburst. You know one of those funny incidents that take place in a romcom; suddenly the woman, usually played by Katherine Hiegl or Jennifer Anniston, are in line at Starbucks and the next thing you know she screaming at a 17 year old barista because he asks her to repeat her order. She starts blubbering on and on about how no one listens to her! Yes, I was afraid that was going to be me.

The next day as I sat in front of my therapist she started with her usual question, “so, how have you been?” I immediately started in with what had happened, “well, I had an incident… I went crazy.” As I went on to tell her the story her facial expression changed appropriately with the drama. I told her about all of the sweet surprises and how he spoiled me. How we talked and laughed and then when I got to the part about me screaming at Sam, she went into her ‘straight non-judgment’ face. I finished the story and waited for a reaction. “I am a bit surprised this has not happened before now,” she said. What? She knew this was going to happen and hadn’t told me? I could have prepared; I could have warned people, I could have not left my house- I thought to myself. “Wait, what do you mean you are surprised this hasn’t happened before now?” I asked. She continued, “Yes. Keylee, you have been through a very traumatic event with a man who had promised you loyalty until death do you part. You cannot expect just to go on with your life like nothing has happened without properly dealing with it.” I hated when she used my name; it wasn’t like when Jaxton used it (which he did all the time and I loved), no when she used it, I felt like I was in trouble.

In other words, my therapist was telling me; shit had hit the fan. My inner psyche was coming out whether I wanted her to or not. I suddenly had two questions, “when will she come out again?” and “how do I keep her quite?” Sabrina looked at me with a slight smile and said, “I wish it were that easy.” After we walked through every detail of the trip and what led up to this outburst I discovered that sadly I was right. The cause was a combination of things but mostly it was the fact that I was married to a man with a double life. I had a unique situation, and it wasn’t as simple as a divorce or a breakup, it was so much more, so much deeper. Not that breakups or divorce is ever simple, but I was learning this was a special case! It was one of those situations that I knew the reality of, but I didn’t really “know” the reality. Some days I am still not sure I know! Ugh, was all I could think. I can’t believe I had to deal with this sadistic man in my life, and now I have to deal with the fall out on my own mental state- NOT FAIR!

The next day Sam called to find out if I had dinner plans. I was shocked he even called. I don’t think I would have called me after such an un-rational outburst. Since I did not have any plans other than laundry I agreed to dinner, he said to meet him at the Mondrian Hotel for dinner. Once I was back from my trip, I dived into work and hadn’t seen Sam since the car dropped me at home from the airport. I was excited that he called, and I was looking forward to spending time together on dry land. I had known him for ten years, we had a blast together, he spoiled me rotten, and we liked all of the same things AND he still wants to see me after my emotional outburst…. I wanted to see if this could go somewhere!

As I was sitting on Sunset Blvd at a stoplight, I got a text from Sam, seeing his name on my phone made my heart sink. Was he canceling? I had the thought then banished it out of my head, why was I so negative? I had been trained not to believe people would follow through but, I had no reason to think that about Sam- I refused to project my shit on him. I decided to solve this mental dilemma and just read the freaking text, “we are eating dinner upstairs, give the desk your name when you arrive.” I don’t remember that hotel having a restaurant upstairs, thought to myself. I left my car with the valet and walked to the concierge desk I gave my name, and Sam’s name and the gentleman behind the desk handed me a room key. I was puzzled but per my usual pattern of behavior, I just went with it. As I arrived at the top floor and knocked on the door, Sam answered and promptly gave me a kiss as he held his iPhone away from his face. While he finished up his call I walked around the room, he had booked a beautiful penthouse for us to have “dinner.”

Looking out over the lights of LA while we finished a bottle of wine, and our delicious dinner Sam began to discuss his upcoming travel plans. He had work coming up but also wanted to travel for fun; New York, twice next month, Miami, Chicago, possibly Europe. Everything he spoke about was grand in scale and full of adventure. It is no secret that I am a girl that loves grand things and adores adventures. When I suggested that our next date be a night in at his house where we could cook dinner and open a great bottle of wine, he was a bit surprised and not very into the idea. I wanted to see him in a real setting, talk about real things; current events, work, friends, etc. Being with Sam was one of those experiences that made you feel like were on a roller coaster. It was exciting, thrilling, and made your stomach flip, but you never knew when it would come to a screeching halt. No Ferris wheel, no carousel, no kiddie rides, just a great big crazy roller coaster- he was all about the wow factor. Don’t get me wrong, I love the roller coaster- I had lived on a roller coaster for the past six years and in a lot of ways the ride seemed totally normal to me. Life was all about the ups, downs, and the thrilling moments- sadly the part I most familiar with was when the ride flew completely off the rails and crashed. When Sam couldn’t agree to a “regular date” or quite night at home…. I got the distinct feeling that is where this was heading; off the rails. How could any relationship sustain this?

The next morning I woke up next to Sam and it was nice. As we waited for breakfast I jumped in the shower and tried to make it appear that I was not that girl who was walking out of a hotel at 8 am in the same clothes she wore the night before. Sam and I had a lovely, yet brief, morning, said our goodbyes, and set out to begin our days. I ran home to change clothes before heading to the office; we were casual but showing up in clothing from the night before was pushing the limits, even for me.

Sinlge & Stylish,

xx Keylee

You don’t always know when you are going to spend the night away from home, but you can always be, at least, a little prepared!

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Are You Seeking An Arrangement?

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Two days ago I am driving down Sunset Blvd and see a small billboard with a sexy brunette on it that reads;  “Happy 18th Birthday, Meet Your New Sugar Daddy!  Are you Seeking An Arrangement?”   WTF?  When I got home I had to look it up and this is what I learned. The site is basically a place for men “Sugar Daddy’s” or women “Sugar Mommy’s” (rich ladies are not to be excluded) to find young women, a Sugar Baby, who are looking for a “good time” and of course, cash.  I quickly learned what Sugar Baby  means;  a girl that a rich man or woman (some sugar baby’s dont have a preference even) pays to spend time, otherwise known as a prostitute.

As a Sugar Baby you can browse the profiles of such quality men as;  The Perpetual Partier, Looking For A Princess or Looking for Someone To Spoil.  Get excited ladies, I saw many profiles of these Sugar Daddy’s earn as much as $175,000 per year (some more but not much).  HAHAHA.   I am not saying that is not a great deal of money but I do not think a Sugar Daddy it makes.  Shouldn’t the standards be a bit more strict?  In each profile the daddy lists what they would allow for a “lifestyle budget” for the potential Sugar Baby; Negotiable, Practical or High.  Wow, a high lifestyle budget…. what does that equal?  A shopping spree at Target?

Don’t worry if you are a newbie they provide “A Beginners Guide To Being A Sugar Baby” and a hall of fame section of sorts that provides you inspiration from the most famous celebrity Sugar Baby’s including many of Hef’s Ex’s and V Stiviano (worked out well for her, right?)  Awe, it’s like a twisted little pathetic sisterhood!  I wonder if you can order a t-shirt?  Through the sites blog I learned all sorts of new things, for example; “How To Dress For Daddy” the difference between “Per Meet Paid Agreement vs Monthly Allowance,” and how to handle it when daddy wants two babies at once … uh oh, can you say threesome??

This wondrous site that is providing income to women by sort of semi-well off dudes, most of whom are married or have low morals, has been talked about by numerous local and international news sources; The Huffington PostCNBC and too many regional outlets to count- even in my hometown of Kansas City.   I  never knew it was that easy to go one dates and get paid?  The site can be translated into ten different languages so we know they do not discriminate!

Is this what dating has come to?  Are the days of Match.com, JDate, and Tinder over?   Let’s call a spade a spade, this is a straight up hooker site and from my quick non-scientific research it is not  the only one!  They are a dime a dozen!  Who knew?

But don’t worry ladies, the site clearly states that sex is not always expected.  Whew!

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee