The Child.

I am not a girl who has ever dated boys; that is what I call men younger than me either emotionally or in actual years. So pretty much everyone. I never even entertained the idea of younger men, that was until Nate. In high school, I dated at least two grades above mine and now it has been as much as a decade and a half at times. Nate was the first guy who ever sparked even a consideration in my mind.

We met at a wine dinner. I arrived at the wine dinner wearing my favorite Beetlejuice jeans (they are wide black and white stripes) and black silk tank top paired with silver pumps that I was obsessed with at the time. I took a friend with me, older gay gentleman, a girl can never risk taking an actual date to this type of event. Friends from Napa were hosting the event, and I was excited to see them. When I arrived at dinner, I heard him before I actually saw him; the accent. In reality I think almost all accents are sexy, except Scottish- then I just feel like I am being spit on. He was an Aussie, and when I turned around, I quickly discovered his face was sexier than his voice. Actually that isn’t true, he was pretty, a younger version of handsome but the combination of the face, accent, and attitude- he was nothing but sexy. My sly girlfriend Mikenna had done the seating, and she sat us across from each other so we could chat. At the end of the night, he slid his receipt across the table. I was slightly confused until I turned it over and discovered his phone number. Right then and there I should have guessed he was a baby, no real man would give me his number, they would ask for mine- but I liked his style.

I tucked his number into my pocket and started plotting how I would contact him. Clearly I wasn’t a gal who is afraid to make the first move, and it made me feel in control… which of course I like. I text him the next day saying it was nice to meet him and picking a point of our conversation from the night before to mention.

“I look forward to an adventure with you in the near future.”

While we were at dinner the group around us started talking about dating in LA, basically how awful it is. He made a point to say that he was done planning dates and only planned adventures. That statement confirmed what I already knew; he wasn’t a dinner and movie typical type of guy. He quickly wrote back that he also looked forward to our first adventure. We then discovered that our schedules would prevent this from happening for at least a few weeks. It was worth the wait.

I had played everything super cool but when it came to the night we were supposed to meet up, I was a nervous wreck. Jack was at my place helping me get dressed, of course. I decided on a flat shoe, so not to appear as one of those girls. We, Jack and I, decided on my J.Crew navy and white summer linen dress that was the perfect length of short and the perfect amount of cleavage. We paired those with my gold Stuart Weitzman gladiator sandals and a classic denim jacket. I was pleased with the look, I couldn’t remember the last time I went on a date without wearing heels.

I had no idea what the date would be, but I never thought it would be as much as it was. We started on the rooftop of building to watch the sunset and drink a bottle of wine he had brought. We continued on to sushi, bowling at a party where his friends were and then back to his place. It might be the best first date I have ever been on. When we got back to his place, we decided to turn on some music, pour a drink, and do a few yoga poses. Nate was the kind of guy that American men, at least where I grew up, are embarrassed to be. Yoga, gourmet food, un-matching colorful socks, loafers, talks about his feelings and wear a speedo when he swims. Above all, he was sexy, the type of sexy that made me feel sexy. As our yoga session began, I found it much more difficult to keep my balance after our night of continuous cocktails. It was about this time I convinced myself it had nothing to do with my intoxicated levels but everything to do with my restricting dress. Lucky for me Nate had an easy solution… I should just take it off. Being the gentleman that he was, he decided to take his pants off as well. That way it wouldn’t be awkward for me. Great Idea!

After our naked yoga and a good make-out session, I had enough wits about me to go home. I called an Uber and headed back to my place. I really liked him, and I knew if that was the case then I needed to slow myself down a step- I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks!

Nate and I would continue to play tag. He would call me, and I wouldn’t be available. I would text him, and he would be working. Finally, we found a night to have date number two. This time it would be dinner with his roommate at a new organic café that had just opened. I loved that he even knew about a place like that- this is what I needed in a guy. I noticed that his friend was young… like really young. This made me again question how old Nate was. When he mentioned that his roommate had just graduated law school an alarm in my head went off. What does that make him, 23, 24, 25 maybe, I thought to myself. Nate could be a few years older, SHIT he is under 30 for sure! My next thought was, Keylee… what the fuck are you doing?

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee

 

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

One Got Married and The Other One Left.

After my dreamy night with Tony, I had to return to reality the next day. I was quickly jolted into reality when I received a Facebook message from Andrew, he was getting married and wanted to tell me himself. Yes, the same Andrew that was trying to get in my bed less than six months ago had met a woman fell in love and was getting married. It wasn’t that I wanted to be with him but really? He was getting married, already?

Should I congratulate him, I thought to myself? Damn, where is the middle finger emoji? Yes, that is what mature people do. So I shot him a quick Facebook message back, “Wow, that is such great news. Congratulations. Who is the lucky girl?” He replied back with some general, ‘thank you’ type of response and I let it go at that, it wasn’t like I really wanted to know who she was. It crept into my mind a few times that day and by the next day I was furious. I kept asking myself, was he dating this woman when he was in LA last? Was I, once again, the other woman? Technically I was the other woman to Katy; my x had met and dated her before he and I met. After two days had passed I couldn’t help myself and sent the aggressive email, asking all the questions I shouldn’t have asked. I wrote the email after half of a sleeping pill and two glasses of wine, I never read his reply- I just deleted it.

Journal Entry 4/21/ 13

The married one has my head, but I am protecting my heart. I think about Tony a lot. He is such a great guy; thoughtful, kind, smart, wonderful, follows through on what he says and …oh yeah, he is married, and he is leaving in less than a week. He actually said to me the other night, “you should come visit this summer.” I agreed and said I would love to, full well knowing that it will never happen. I knew I was in trouble when I let him come over to my apartment. I never let any men come over to my apartment.

On Tony’s last day in town, he would be working all day. At 6:30 am, I got a call from him. He was at my apartment building front door and wanted to come in. I jumped out of bed grabbed my toothbrush, went to the bathroom at the same time as brushing my teeth, threw some water on my face, ran my finger through my hair and answered the door. I only lived on the second floor, so I didn’t have much time. He was standing at my door with a case of wine.
“I told you I would get you some wine,” he said as I opened the door. I was in total shock; one because he remembered- he had said that the frist night we had dinner, and two because he was standing at my door at 6:30am. He brought the wine inside and sat on my couch, gave me a giant kiss asked me about what my day was going to be like and then kissed me again. He was already late for work, and as much as I wanted him to stay I knew he had to leave. As he stood up he said, “Please come see me tonight when I am done with work, I want to say goodbye properly.” I told him I would love to and watched him walk out my door.

His last night we stayed up most of the night and at 5:30am he left. He had text me as the plane took off and then when he landed he text, “I will miss you sweets.” That was that.

It had been six days, and I didn’t know if I missed him or the idea of him. I knew I missed the feeling of knowing someone was thinking about me.

Journal Entry 5/3/2013

“I want to be in love. I want to be loved.”

After a taste of someone caring about me, I realized that I realized missed having someone to care about and care about me in return. I guess I should be happy to have felt that, even if for that moment.

Journal Entry 5/28/2013

Hawaii for Memorial Day is just what I needed. I was reading a fabulous new book and now had a new favorite quote, one I still love today.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

– Joseph Campbell

I had decided, at that moment, I knew what I really needed was to figure out how to love and care for myself. I wasn’t even sure what that really meant at the time but I would figure it out. I decided the first step would be to celebrate my birthday; it wasn’t for a couple of months, but I usually had lunch with a girlfriend or small dinner. This year I was going to have a party!

I had decided to move out of my apartment as well. Since we had closed the office a couple of months ago, Jack, and I and Style Studio did not fit into my 700sq ft space, and the party would double as a housewarming party! I hadn’t had a real party since my epic 29th birthday celebration, and this party would give me something to be excited about.

When I got back to LA I started planning the party right away even though I wasn’t sure where I was going to be living. Jack was all too excited to jump in and help- he loved anything to distract him from planning the actual move. I was also excited that week because my good friends from Napa were in town and had invited me to a wine dinner. It was always an interesting crowd at a dinner like this and the fact I was seated across from and painfully gorgeous Australian didn’t hurt.

Single and Stylish,

xx Keylee

 

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

A Different Definition Of Marriage.

The next morning I woke up with a text from Tony, “I had a great time last night, I almost pulled you over on Melrose to give you a proper kiss goodnight.”

Wtf, I thought. YOU ARE MARRIED! I know he said they were not “married” in the traditional sense of the word but come on. Ugh, I knew better than this…but damn he was sexy. I typed back “That would have been interesting, have a great day!” I thought my response was a bit flirty but not too overt.

Luckily I had therapy the next day. I shamefully told Sabrina about Tony. To my surprise, she did not tell me that I should be given a scarlet letter to wear across my chest. She explained to me that everyone has a different definition of marriage, and it was not up to me to judge what his marriage was or was not. If I enjoyed spending my time with him, then that was my decision. I told her I was impressed with the fact he even told me that a wife existed! Sabrina’s bottom was this; I needed to be fully aware that this would never go anywhere and as long as I kept my boundaries up I could enjoy the ‘entertainment’ of knowing a nice, interesting, charming man. I would have used the words; hot, sexy, confident and successful man but this wasn’t a moment to split hairs. I thought about her advice a lot. I also could not ignore the fact that I was fresh out of a marriage with a man who cheated one me. I decided I had to speak to him about it.

By midweek Tony text to ask me out on Friday night, I already had dinner plans with a few friends but told him I would meet him after for a drink. As my car pulled up to valet, my stomach was full of butterflies. I kept telling myself not to get too involved or excited, this could not go anywhere. Looking back I know that part of the reason I was so excited about Tony was precisely that this could not go anywhere. I could have fun with a great guy and not worry about where it was going or commitment. I knew the outcome of this relationship.

I walked into the bar and found Tony in deep conversation with the bartender. Turns out she had worked at one of his restaurants years ago. We cracked a bottle of his wine, talked, laughed; he introduced me to people and before we knew it over an hour had passed. As we walked to the next bar I would catch him looking at me, I never let on that I noticed but damn it was nice to be looked at that way. Married or not, this was the best non-date / date that I had had in a very long time!

As we walked he suggested we go to this little bar in the lobby of a hotel, it just happens to be a favorite spot of mine and it just happened to be in his hotel. After a drink, he stood up and said, “Oh shit I forgot, I had a bottle of my favorite wine sent to me, and it arrived today. Let’s drink that!”

“Sounds great,” I said, “by all means let’s drink it!”

“Perfect it is in my room, let’s go grab it and we can come back to the bar.” He said. Ah, there was the catch, it was almost cute that he thought I didn’t know what was going on. I certainly wasn’t going to sit in the bar alone, so I agreed to walk the long winding path to his room to fetch the bottle of wine.

Since he stayed in town for months at a time, he had a great big suite that looked like it was lived in. I have always secretly wanted to live in a hotel, so it was a bit like peeking into my fantasy. The wine was fantastic, but the kiss he gave me was even better. I don’t even remember if we finished the wine or not but I do remember waking up in his room and being very proud of myself for not sleeping with him! Well I guess technically I slept with him but I didn’t ‘sleep’ with him.

After a brief make-out session, he had to leave for work, and I wanted to escape before the sun was up too high. As we walked out to our cars, he said hello to every single person working at the hotel. This was defiantly not the first time the staff had seen him leave at 6 am with a woman. We said our goodbyes, and before I got in my car, he pulled me into him and whispered in my ear, “I can’t wait to f*ck you.” Kissed me on the cheek and jumped into his car. I got into my car and thought to myself; damn you are in trouble.

The rest of the weekend, I couldn’t get him out of my head. We exchanged a few flirty text, and he asked if he could see me Monday night. I hadn’t told anyone about him. I didn’t have the nerve; I wasn’t proud of what I was doing. The next time we were at dinner we ended back up at his hotel again, he opened another fantastic bottle of wine, and we sat on the balcony of his suite and just started talking. It was one of those conversations where you talk about everything that pops into your head and the next day you can’t even remember what you said. I finally brought up the subject I wasn’t supposed to bring up, his wife.

“So talk to me about your wife,” I said with a slight smile. He sort of laughed and said, “sure, what do you want to know?” Of course, my head was spinning with a thousand questions; Does she know you date other people? Do people here know you are married? What do your kids think? How long has this been going on? Do you think you will divorce her? Does the public know? But instead of making it an interrogation I said, “why don’t you tell me what you want and then I can ask questions.”

He began talking about how they got together quickly and she was a huge part of his business and that they were in love with other once but that had faded for both of them over the years. He loved his kids more than anything, but he also wanted to live his life. She never traveled with him and rarely would visit, usually only when he was traveling abroad, and she would bring the children. Then the real kicker came out; “and yes, she knows I date. I had a year and half long relationship that ended about six months ago and my wife was aware.” My mouth almost hit the floor. It also seemed that a green light started flashing in the background. I tried not to react too much to anything he was saying other than to ask if his life made him happy. When he said that it did I told him, that was all that mattered. I excused myself to the ladies room and splashed some water on my face.

When I walked out of the bathroom Tony was in the middle of the room, lights were dim, our wine had been moved inside and music was on. Damn he was quick, I thought to myself. When I asked him what he was doing, he just smiled and walked toward me. Before I could follow up my question, he had wrapped his arms around me and was deeply kissing me. The kind of kiss that makes you forget your own name.

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee

Sabrina told me I didn’t need a scarlet letter, but red was still my favorite color! Here are some of my favorite red pieces for summer!

 

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Paris.

What can I say? It is my favorite city in the world, the most romantic, energizing, fascinating city I have ever been to. I was thrilled to be going. We a stop in London and then took the Euro Star train to Paris. I had never taken this route, and I loved it. I had always flown from city to city and the English and French countryside beautiful as we traveled.

My business partner, Jack, and our two other colleges were traveling. It was our end of the year trip to celebrate and a fabulous excuse to go to Paris. The first time I went to Paris was with my best friend and business partner, on the flight over he asked me a question.

“Do you know why I am taking you to Paris?” he asked.

“Because you wanted to go, and I was a good excuse,” I answered.

“I am taking you to Paris because the first time you go you should go with a man who will love you forever.” He said.

He was gay and fabulous, and my soul mate, or I thought so at the time.

My first trip to this magical city was beyond my imagination. I had dreamed my entire life of going to Paris, and everything was magical. For this reason, my second trip made me even more excited. I knew what was in store and how much I loved it. It was the same feeling you have at Christmas as you await the arrival of your family, the greatest feeling of anticipation.

We flew over on a red eye, which is the best way to go. A meal, my bed, was made, and I was out. We all woke up and had been transported to London.

London was great. Historical sites, Singin In The Rain at the theater, shopping, and pubs… but I couldn’t wait to get to Paris. As we headed to our train, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I had not been to the city in 8 years, and I wondered if I would love it as much as I did the first time. I wondered if I had built it up in my head to a point that I would be disappointed when I actually arrived. I was not. It was more new spectacular than I had remembered though I still hope to return with someone I love.

Chanel, Hermes, Christian Louboutin, Jean Paul Gaultier and, of course, the famous Paris flea market Porte de Clignancourt, which is what I imagine heaven to look like. Row after row of shops, big and small, and vendors all selling fabulously vintage Parisian goods. I went with two goals; one, see as much jewelry as I can and two; find something that can be in my home and remind me of Paris every day. One entire store is nothing but Chanel jewelry, you must be buzzed in through the gates and can take no pictures. Some have grand vintage display cases, and some only have tables set up with their goods. I did pick up a few amazing trinkets; a vintage Christian Lacroix gold ID bracelet that I later found out had a matching choker that belonged to Rihanna, some great costume pieces, and a piece of art that I will treasure forever.

When I left for Paris my mother said to me, “buy something that takes your breath away!” She is full of good advice! After a few days in Paris I found it; I was walking by a super snotty vintage shop and the Dior gown in the window caught my eye. The construction was impeccable, the fabric was perfectly preserved, the design was timeless. When the shop keep asked if I wanted to try anything on I said, “no thank you, I don’t have the figure to wear vintage clothing.” I thought he was going to kick me out of the store. He was seriously the only rude person I have ever met in France. Then just as I was about to leave I spotted it, a vintage Chanel leather jacket. It was so delicious I couldn’t resist trying it on. It was a serious Cinderella moment; it fit me like a glove! Never in my life has a vintage piece of clothing fit me so perfectly, and it was CHANEL!!!! All the original buttons, braided leather trim, not even a scratch on the leather. I couldn’t tell if the piece had even been worn, I decided then and there this would be the piece I would buy, that was until I looked at the price. It was more than a months rent for me. I wanted it so badly, but I knew it was not the smart move. I had already been spending money in Paris like I actually had some disposable income. I sadly asked for the gentleman’s card and put the jacket back on the rack. I knew not buying the jacket would haunt me for years!

On the way back to our flat, I stopped into the most amazing little lingerie boutique and decided to cheer myself up with some sexy pieces. I had no idea who I would wear them for, but I figured it was like Field Of Dreams, if I bought/ wore it they would come! For two days I couldn’t stop thinking about this jacket, I caught myself talking about it at great length. As we prepared for our last night out on the town and packed up our things, my best friend called me upstairs. He said he had something for me to pack in my suitcase and hands me a white paper shopping bag. As I asked what was in it, I opened the bag at the same time. Before he could answer I just started screaming. I couldn’t believe it, it was the Chanel jacket! I had never owned a piece of Chanel clothing, and this one was so special. It is one of my most treasured pieces!

As we left Paris, I was anxious to get home, which was a new feeling for me. I thought that it would be a good time to start over. The pageants were over, my boy slate was clean and I was going to move full steam ahead.

The day we were leaving I got a text from Sam, “Hey, how are you?” It was so odd; I hadn’t spoken to him in over two months, after I had called to let him know I had accidently had dinner with his ex-wife.

That past December my girlfriend from New York was in town, and though I was beyond tired that night, she had asked me to dinner with her and two girlfriends. I am sitting at dinner next to a lovely woman, and we all begin to talk about being single and dating. She mentioned how difficult it was to date with kids, due to schedules and such. I said that I didn’t have kids, but I had dated someone with children and I remember it always a hurdle. When she brought up her children, two girls, and a boy, I said “Oh the guy I dated had two girls and a boy, how funny.” Pretty soon we were ordering another round of cocktails and having a great time. As the conversation moves on we begin to talk about being divorced, she had not one negative thing to say about her husband but my girlfriend was clearly not a fan of his. After the mention of what he did for a living, I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I casually asked to see photos of her children and as she turned her phone around to show me a few pictures I nearly knocked over my drink. They were Sam’s kids! How the fuck did I end up at dinner with Sam’s ex-wife??? I took a giant swig of my cocktail and decided to excuse myself to use the restroom; I was sweating like a whore in church. As I got up from the table, my large designer (expensive) cuff bracelet fell off of my arm. She was kind enough to pick it up and as she handed it back to me she said, “Oh, I love this. I have always wanted one.” I just looked at her with a “holy shit” smile and said, “Oh thanks, it was a gift.” What I left out was that it was a gift from her ex-husband!

I got the bathroom and started dialing everyone I knew, what are the freaking chances! I thought about faking ill and having a waiter send a note to the table, but that would be lame. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “I can do this, we are all grown ups. There is no way she would be able to figure it out, it is not like Sam and I were ever serious.” As I walked back to the table I had calmed down and stopped sweating. By the time I got back the girl talk had turned to the topic of sex.

Shit! Suddenly my new BFF was talking about her preferences and how sex with her husband had been, etc., etc., etc. It was horrifying! I decided to stop drinking for fear that I would overmedicate and begin talking about things I shouldn’t. Sex with Sam had always been fine but he was a man of the same three moves over and over, I was just waiting for her to say the same thing… but thank you lord she never did.

As I left dinner, I immediately dialed Sam. We had taken a group photo and I she had mentioned that she was going to post it on social media. I wasn’t with Sam, but I didn’t want him to hear it from someone else, and so I thought the mature thing to do was call him. The phone rang, and he didn’t pick up, so I left a message. “Hey, it’s Keylee. I just had dinner with your ex-wife on accident, and I must say she is lovely. Just wanted to let you know. Bye.” He was clearly screening because he called me back very quickly. “You what??? How??? Why???” He said with panic in his voice. When I explained the story, he wanted to know every detail of the night. I told him to chill out, I hadn’t said anything, and I had no plans too!

But what did he want now? Why was he texting me again?

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee

One of the best things about Paris is the flawless style the women have! Simple, polished, timeless and flawless.

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.