One Got Married and The Other One Left.

After my dreamy night with Tony, I had to return to reality the next day. I was quickly jolted into reality when I received a Facebook message from Andrew, he was getting married and wanted to tell me himself. Yes, the same Andrew that was trying to get in my bed less than six months ago had met a woman fell in love and was getting married. It wasn’t that I wanted to be with him but really? He was getting married, already?

Should I congratulate him, I thought to myself? Damn, where is the middle finger emoji? Yes, that is what mature people do. So I shot him a quick Facebook message back, “Wow, that is such great news. Congratulations. Who is the lucky girl?” He replied back with some general, ‘thank you’ type of response and I let it go at that, it wasn’t like I really wanted to know who she was. It crept into my mind a few times that day and by the next day I was furious. I kept asking myself, was he dating this woman when he was in LA last? Was I, once again, the other woman? Technically I was the other woman to Katy; my x had met and dated her before he and I met. After two days had passed I couldn’t help myself and sent the aggressive email, asking all the questions I shouldn’t have asked. I wrote the email after half of a sleeping pill and two glasses of wine, I never read his reply- I just deleted it.

Journal Entry 4/21/ 13

The married one has my head, but I am protecting my heart. I think about Tony a lot. He is such a great guy; thoughtful, kind, smart, wonderful, follows through on what he says and …oh yeah, he is married, and he is leaving in less than a week. He actually said to me the other night, “you should come visit this summer.” I agreed and said I would love to, full well knowing that it will never happen. I knew I was in trouble when I let him come over to my apartment. I never let any men come over to my apartment.

On Tony’s last day in town, he would be working all day. At 6:30 am, I got a call from him. He was at my apartment building front door and wanted to come in. I jumped out of bed grabbed my toothbrush, went to the bathroom at the same time as brushing my teeth, threw some water on my face, ran my finger through my hair and answered the door. I only lived on the second floor, so I didn’t have much time. He was standing at my door with a case of wine.
“I told you I would get you some wine,” he said as I opened the door. I was in total shock; one because he remembered- he had said that the frist night we had dinner, and two because he was standing at my door at 6:30am. He brought the wine inside and sat on my couch, gave me a giant kiss asked me about what my day was going to be like and then kissed me again. He was already late for work, and as much as I wanted him to stay I knew he had to leave. As he stood up he said, “Please come see me tonight when I am done with work, I want to say goodbye properly.” I told him I would love to and watched him walk out my door.

His last night we stayed up most of the night and at 5:30am he left. He had text me as the plane took off and then when he landed he text, “I will miss you sweets.” That was that.

It had been six days, and I didn’t know if I missed him or the idea of him. I knew I missed the feeling of knowing someone was thinking about me.

Journal Entry 5/3/2013

“I want to be in love. I want to be loved.”

After a taste of someone caring about me, I realized that I realized missed having someone to care about and care about me in return. I guess I should be happy to have felt that, even if for that moment.

Journal Entry 5/28/2013

Hawaii for Memorial Day is just what I needed. I was reading a fabulous new book and now had a new favorite quote, one I still love today.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

– Joseph Campbell

I had decided, at that moment, I knew what I really needed was to figure out how to love and care for myself. I wasn’t even sure what that really meant at the time but I would figure it out. I decided the first step would be to celebrate my birthday; it wasn’t for a couple of months, but I usually had lunch with a girlfriend or small dinner. This year I was going to have a party!

I had decided to move out of my apartment as well. Since we had closed the office a couple of months ago, Jack, and I and Style Studio did not fit into my 700sq ft space, and the party would double as a housewarming party! I hadn’t had a real party since my epic 29th birthday celebration, and this party would give me something to be excited about.

When I got back to LA I started planning the party right away even though I wasn’t sure where I was going to be living. Jack was all too excited to jump in and help- he loved anything to distract him from planning the actual move. I was also excited that week because my good friends from Napa were in town and had invited me to a wine dinner. It was always an interesting crowd at a dinner like this and the fact I was seated across from and painfully gorgeous Australian didn’t hurt.

Single and Stylish,

xx Keylee

 

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

A Different Definition Of Marriage.

The next morning I woke up with a text from Tony, “I had a great time last night, I almost pulled you over on Melrose to give you a proper kiss goodnight.”

Wtf, I thought. YOU ARE MARRIED! I know he said they were not “married” in the traditional sense of the word but come on. Ugh, I knew better than this…but damn he was sexy. I typed back “That would have been interesting, have a great day!” I thought my response was a bit flirty but not too overt.

Luckily I had therapy the next day. I shamefully told Sabrina about Tony. To my surprise, she did not tell me that I should be given a scarlet letter to wear across my chest. She explained to me that everyone has a different definition of marriage, and it was not up to me to judge what his marriage was or was not. If I enjoyed spending my time with him, then that was my decision. I told her I was impressed with the fact he even told me that a wife existed! Sabrina’s bottom was this; I needed to be fully aware that this would never go anywhere and as long as I kept my boundaries up I could enjoy the ‘entertainment’ of knowing a nice, interesting, charming man. I would have used the words; hot, sexy, confident and successful man but this wasn’t a moment to split hairs. I thought about her advice a lot. I also could not ignore the fact that I was fresh out of a marriage with a man who cheated one me. I decided I had to speak to him about it.

By midweek Tony text to ask me out on Friday night, I already had dinner plans with a few friends but told him I would meet him after for a drink. As my car pulled up to valet, my stomach was full of butterflies. I kept telling myself not to get too involved or excited, this could not go anywhere. Looking back I know that part of the reason I was so excited about Tony was precisely that this could not go anywhere. I could have fun with a great guy and not worry about where it was going or commitment. I knew the outcome of this relationship.

I walked into the bar and found Tony in deep conversation with the bartender. Turns out she had worked at one of his restaurants years ago. We cracked a bottle of his wine, talked, laughed; he introduced me to people and before we knew it over an hour had passed. As we walked to the next bar I would catch him looking at me, I never let on that I noticed but damn it was nice to be looked at that way. Married or not, this was the best non-date / date that I had had in a very long time!

As we walked he suggested we go to this little bar in the lobby of a hotel, it just happens to be a favorite spot of mine and it just happened to be in his hotel. After a drink, he stood up and said, “Oh shit I forgot, I had a bottle of my favorite wine sent to me, and it arrived today. Let’s drink that!”

“Sounds great,” I said, “by all means let’s drink it!”

“Perfect it is in my room, let’s go grab it and we can come back to the bar.” He said. Ah, there was the catch, it was almost cute that he thought I didn’t know what was going on. I certainly wasn’t going to sit in the bar alone, so I agreed to walk the long winding path to his room to fetch the bottle of wine.

Since he stayed in town for months at a time, he had a great big suite that looked like it was lived in. I have always secretly wanted to live in a hotel, so it was a bit like peeking into my fantasy. The wine was fantastic, but the kiss he gave me was even better. I don’t even remember if we finished the wine or not but I do remember waking up in his room and being very proud of myself for not sleeping with him! Well I guess technically I slept with him but I didn’t ‘sleep’ with him.

After a brief make-out session, he had to leave for work, and I wanted to escape before the sun was up too high. As we walked out to our cars, he said hello to every single person working at the hotel. This was defiantly not the first time the staff had seen him leave at 6 am with a woman. We said our goodbyes, and before I got in my car, he pulled me into him and whispered in my ear, “I can’t wait to f*ck you.” Kissed me on the cheek and jumped into his car. I got into my car and thought to myself; damn you are in trouble.

The rest of the weekend, I couldn’t get him out of my head. We exchanged a few flirty text, and he asked if he could see me Monday night. I hadn’t told anyone about him. I didn’t have the nerve; I wasn’t proud of what I was doing. The next time we were at dinner we ended back up at his hotel again, he opened another fantastic bottle of wine, and we sat on the balcony of his suite and just started talking. It was one of those conversations where you talk about everything that pops into your head and the next day you can’t even remember what you said. I finally brought up the subject I wasn’t supposed to bring up, his wife.

“So talk to me about your wife,” I said with a slight smile. He sort of laughed and said, “sure, what do you want to know?” Of course, my head was spinning with a thousand questions; Does she know you date other people? Do people here know you are married? What do your kids think? How long has this been going on? Do you think you will divorce her? Does the public know? But instead of making it an interrogation I said, “why don’t you tell me what you want and then I can ask questions.”

He began talking about how they got together quickly and she was a huge part of his business and that they were in love with other once but that had faded for both of them over the years. He loved his kids more than anything, but he also wanted to live his life. She never traveled with him and rarely would visit, usually only when he was traveling abroad, and she would bring the children. Then the real kicker came out; “and yes, she knows I date. I had a year and half long relationship that ended about six months ago and my wife was aware.” My mouth almost hit the floor. It also seemed that a green light started flashing in the background. I tried not to react too much to anything he was saying other than to ask if his life made him happy. When he said that it did I told him, that was all that mattered. I excused myself to the ladies room and splashed some water on my face.

When I walked out of the bathroom Tony was in the middle of the room, lights were dim, our wine had been moved inside and music was on. Damn he was quick, I thought to myself. When I asked him what he was doing, he just smiled and walked toward me. Before I could follow up my question, he had wrapped his arms around me and was deeply kissing me. The kind of kiss that makes you forget your own name.

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee

Sabrina told me I didn’t need a scarlet letter, but red was still my favorite color! Here are some of my favorite red pieces for summer!

 

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.