He Was With Me, Thinking Of Her.

I woke up the next morning feeling great; I jumped out of bed and got ready for work. Though our office was very small, it was rare when I didn’t get ‘dressed’ for work. I put on a dress, pair of heels, my face and headed out the door. We were at the start of our busy season, and I knew the long days, and nights were just around the corner.

When I got to work I had an email from United airlines reminding me about my flight to Portugal that I had put on hold. Andrew had still not confirmed with me if those dates worked so I would need to follow up with him again, which was not something I wanted to do. Red Flag warning!

I put together a sweet yet direct email:

“Hi, I hope you are having a great day. I got a reminder from United about my ticket that is on hold. Any update on your end if those dates work? Can’t wait to see you again! Xoxo, Keylee”

An hour later I had no response. Two hours later I had no response. Three house later I had no response. I had my one cigarette for the day and after lunch still had no response. I decided to shoot him a text, maybe the internet ate my email and it never made it all the way to Portugal…. That totally happens all the time, right?

“How is your day? Did you get my email?”

No response. Finally, about an hour after I sent the text message I got a response; “Sorry it has been a crazy day, let’s talk about your ticket tomorrow.” Well, it wasn’t exactly the warm fuzzy response that I was looking for but at least I knew that by tomorrow, I would have a plan. I started to get a bit excited at the thought of seeing Andrew again and couldn’t wait to visit Portugal in the fall.

The next day I was so swamped with production plans, program books, planning our orientations and coordinating my next New York trip that I wasn’t even thinking about boys; it was so refreshing! Of course, once I discovered that I wasn’t thinking about boys, then all I thought about was boys. As I sat at my desk eating lunch, most likely catching up with everyone on Facebook, my phone rang. “Hey Sam,” I answered. He made small talk for a moment and then he finally asked. “So, I was thinking, we should have dinner next week.” “You were? Is this your way of asking me out on a date?” I teased him. “Yes, I am asking you on a date to have dinner with me,” he said. “How about next Thursday are you available?” Of course, I was available, I rarely made plans more than 5 minutes in advance. “Sure, I think that will work,” I answered. “Great, I will be traveling for work, is that okay?” He said. Huh? “Why would you ask me to have dinner with you if you are not in town and you are traveling?” I said getting slightly defensive, was this a joke to him?

“I was thinking,” he continued “you could fly and meet me, and we could have dinner there.” “Where is there?” I asked. He continued talking without even acknowledging my question. “Well, if you could clear your schedule for the whole weekend we could just stay and have some fun.” “WHERE?” I asked again. “Don’t worry about where, text me your birthday and full name and I will take care of it all. I need to run into a meeting I will call you later! Glad you said yes!” He said as he hung up the phone.

I was so utterly confused and excited at the same time. It was so mysterious, surely he was going to give me more details when he called back. He couldn’t expect me to go on a trip and have no idea where I was going. Either way it would be an adventure so I was game! Suddenly my stomach sank, Andrew. Agreeing to have dinner with an old friend was one thing but agreeing to go to a mysterious location with a guy for a whole weekend was something entirely different. I decided to wait a bit; I didn’t need to tell him anything right away, who knew if this trip would even happen. Andrew called me later that day and left me a message saying that we needed to talk. When I heard his message, I knew what he wanted to talk about and from the tone of his voice I knew what his heart was saying. We were done.

I called Andrew back, and I was right. He finally admitted what I had known for weeks; he didn’t want me to come visit. Well, according to him he did want me to come but he just wasn’t really ready for it. Whatever. He needed some time alone and some space. Space? That was the word he was going to use, really? I lived over 5000 miles away, how much fucking space did he need? I was hurt, shocked, and pissed off. Our awkward conversation was basically over and just growing more awkward by the second and I just needed to get off the phone! So I did, he followed up with a text saying that he felt bad about the way our call ended and later that day I followed up with an email. Email was how we had met, and it was still one of our best ways of communication.

Email to Andrew, September 2012

“I agree our call today did not go great and not at all the way I thought it would. I was honest when I said I am disappointed but more than that I think it was just hard to hear that you don’t want me to come visit- it defiantly hurts. I am sad. I thought we were more on the same page and both wanted to explore what we have further- this obviously can not happen if we have a relationship built on text and a weekly skype call. I know you are busy and stressed and need time to yourself, but I think you and I operate in very different ways. I am not really in any position to take time off working and charge another plane ticket but I wanted nothing more than just that if it meant I got to spend time with you and I already had worked it all out to make it happen. I guess I am just a hopeless romantic and after what I have been through I would do anything for love, which even as I type it sounds like a silly 16 year old. You are correct that I have a lot going on in my personal life and it doesn’t look like it is going to be over any time soon but that is life, there will always be something going on that is not ideal. I refuse to let my past take up one more second of my future and it in no way has anything to do with how I feel about you or how I will lead my life. I am not sure if you are even aware of it but I felt you begin to pull away when I was in Portugal and had no idea what to do about it. I have said from the beginning that I would never make you a promise I couldn’t keep but what I also can not do is set myself up for disappointment and hurt, I truly do not think my heart could take it right now and I feel you not wanting me to come visit is a pretty clear message weather you realize it or not. One thing I have learned in life and through all the relationships I have had is that you should never ignore the signs, no matter how much it hurts. You said in your text tonight that you feel you have taken something away from me, the only thing you have taken away was my excitement about the trip and spending more time with you exploring our intense connection but you were just being honest. I will be fine, I always am. It is really pathetic to say but I have learned to expect disappointment in these situations, something I am trying to change. kss”

The day of my mysterious dinner date with Sam was growing closer, and I still had no idea where I was going. Sam loved surprises, and he was keeping his mouth shut on this one. My instructions from him were this; A driver will pick you up on Wednesday at noon and take you to LAX, pack only a few things for warm weather, whatever you don’t have we can buy!

Was he for real? I was immediately panicked, as a stylist, packing for an unknown destination made me sweat! So of course I packed something for every situation I could think of and trieded my best to make it all fit! That morning I got an email back from Andrew. We had exchanged several, but this was when the truth finally came out.

“…There’s something we haven’t discussed since you were here, and that I need to talk about. Its been wearing on me to the point that I just don’t think its fair of me to keep it in any longer. When you were here I told you how I was sometimes looking for you and right when I was about to call out your name, that the name of my ex would come to mind instead. Over the last few weeks, its become clear to me that I am still very hurt by her and I having split, and ultimately, that I have unresolved feelings for her. Its not fair.”

This hit home for me, I couldn’t believe he almost called me another woman’s name! I literally had no time to think about it my car was picking me up in a half an hour, and I still hadn’t shut my suitcase. The good news is I now felt zero guilt about going on the trip with Sam! I finally closed my suitcase and was ready to go when my phone rang. I assumed it was Sam making sure I will still coming, I was half right. “Don’t forget to grab your passport,” he said. “Seriously? Are you kidding me?” I asked. “Maybe I am but wouldn’t you hate to need it and not have it?” He answered back. I could hear him smiling through the phone as we hung up- he loved the suspense. I grabbed my passport and walked outside, and the driver was standing outside the town car, he opened the door and took my bag. As we pulled away, I asked the driver “do you know where we are going?” “LAX, that is all I know,” he said.

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee

Packing can be a little stressful, especially when you do not know your destination! I have developed a few key items that I take just about everywhere. Check them out, they will work for you too!

What are your must have items for travel???

 

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

The Art Of The D Selfie.

Almost everyone woman I know between the ages of 25- 45 has been sent a dick pic at some point in her life, since the invention of the camera phone.  Sometimes women ask for these pictures (sexting) and other times we think we are going to open a photo of a funny quote or cute kitten and all of sudden – WHAM, it’s a penis.  If this is a subject you have discussed over cocktails with your lady friends (or male gay friends), like I have, then you know that just like their subjects these dick selfies can come in all shapes and sizes.  You can actually learn quite a lot about the man attached to the member in the photo. Grooming habits, if they get manicures, how clean is their room, do they have nice sheets, how important is privacy to them, etc., etc.

Comedian Janet Silverman is one of the rare ladies who has never had to joy of receiving one of these elusive photos, until now.  Watching her view a slide show of 89 dick pics is one of the funniest and most relatable things I have seen in a long time.

Enjoy and share with your friends!

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee

Unexpected Evenings.

I was in a state of mind that can only be described as utter confusion with a side of absolute fury. As the gavel went down, my mind was swarming with questions. The first one was for my lawyer, and it was, “WHAT THE FUCK is the pant-suit lady talking about? How did she only get my records YESTERDAY???”  He stammered and stuttered trying to explain to me that his office had made a clerical error and the documents, all of my financial documents, had been sent to her old office not the new address. Come to find out that she had her old address on her letter head- total trickery in my opinion but, I was still furious.  Because of some stupid clerical error my divorce hearing was three minutes long and now would be pushed three months. So much for the delusional thoughts of moving on with my life quickly, that dream was dead. I saw my husband duck out as soon as his lawyer would let him, so we had no more contact that day and I was relieved. Did he know this was going to happen? Did he have something to do with it?

My sister, an attorney, herself and I cornered my lawyer and asked, “what the hell just happened!” He was apologizing profusely and then tried to spin it by saying it could be a good thing, “it gives us more time to dig into his past and his financials.” Seeing that his spin was not working on me he finished by saying, “of course I am not going to bill you for the extra time.” “I would think not,” I said and turned to leave the courthouse. My crew said nothing in the elevator, nothing as we exited the courthouse and got into the car. Once we were in the car and pulled out the parking garage I finally broke the ice, “what the fuck just happened?” Everyone took a sigh of relief and then we broke into hysterical laughter.

I had hoped that after the court hearing I would be able to call Andrew and deliver news that we could both be very excited about, now I didn’t even want to call. He had been so distant that I assumed he reaction would be less than supportive and his tone would have a flare of “I told you so, you should have done this, or that” so I decided to skip it and have lunch and cocktails with Daydree at my favorite spot in Beverly Hills; La Scala. After a glass of prosecco and a chopped salad I was feeling a bit better, the La Scala chopped salad makes everything better.

Later that evening I got a text from Andrew asking me how court went. I answered back with a short and simple answer, let’s just say it didn’t go well. What happened?  He asked. NOTHING, nothing happened! That is the problem. Everything is on hold until December, I typed back. I am sorry it didn’t turn out the way you wanted, he text. I didn’t respond.

The next day I drove Daydree to the airport, and when she got out of the car, I cried the whole way home. I cranked up my Adele play list, mixed with a little Kelly Clarkson, and just let it all out! I knew that eventually I would get my divorce and I would no longer feel this way, but I was disappointed because I had thought it was going to be done after the first day in court.  I now realize how naive that sounds.  From the airport I drove straight to the office; I needed to distract myself with work and we were only weeks away from our first orientation, there was a LOT to get done!

When I got to work I was focused and being productive which made me feel good. I went outside for my one cigarette a day break and my phone rang.  I answered without looking at the caller ID, “This is Keylee.”  “Keylee! It’s Sam!”  Sam was a director I had worked on and off for ten years, I hadn’t talked to him in a while. He was working on set with a makeup artist friend of mine, and she had mentioned that I was living in LA again. He was calling to chat and set up dinner so we could catch up. Sam and I had always been friends; he was creative, fun, smart and successful. I agreed to have dinner with him later that week, and I was actually looking forward to it.

Andrew and I had discussed me coming back to Portugal for a visit in October, so I had started looking at plane tickets. I found a great deal on a ticket for a week in the middle of October, so I quickly sent him an email to see if the dates worked for him. Andrew was not offering to pay for my plane ticket so I was trying to find one that I could afford and the options were limited. Yes, I now realize this should have been a giant red blinking sign – he kept saying how he wanted me to visit but, his actions were showing me something VERY different.

I have to admit that even thinking about seeing him again gave me a flutter of excitement. His response to my email was less than excited, clearly we felt differently. He had a new project that he was starting and wasn’t sure when his team would be arriving, so he wasn’t sure if that week would work, blah blah blah. I knew in my gut that I would most likely not be going to Portugal ever again. I was so pissed that he didn’t have the balls to be honest with me and was making up bullshit excuses. I decided that until he was honest with me I was not going to drop the issue. Two days later I put the plane ticket on hold and sent him a confirmation email to let him know.

It was that same day that I was sitting in my office when I realized I was late meeting Sam for dinner. I took a quick look in the mirror; slapped on some lipstick, grabbed my leather jacket and ran out the door. When I walked in he was sitting at an outside table with a martini, he stood to give me a hug as I walked up, I was very happy to see him!  Before he could even ask what I wanted to drink I grabbed his glass and took a swig.  He promptly ordered me a martini and said, “how are you? What’s new?” I took another drink of his martini and said “how much time do you have?” As we started to talk and catch up it turns out we had more in common than I thought, we were both going through a divorce and were both frustrated. Sam had known me since I was married to my first husband, and I remember him asking me why I was marrying the second one, a question that swirled in my mind often at this point.

We ordered dinner and another round of drinks and kept talking, before I knew it we had moved onto the subject of dating in LA. He had been dating about the same amount of time as I had and the “war” stories were making us laugh until my stomach muscles hurt, it was nice to have someone sympathize with me on how awful dating in LA was. We ordered another round of drinks and Sam asked “ok, enough about the bad dates what is the best-first date you have been on?” “That is an easy one” I said and told him the story of the night I went to the CFDA awards. Sam, being the slightly arrogant man that he was, took a drink and scoffed, “New York? New York? Any guy can pull off a trip to New York! That’s not impressive.” “What? It was an amazing date, what are you talking about?” I defended my story. “I could do so much better than that!” He said. “Oh really? Could you?” I teased him, laying down a challenge without intending to. As I was laughing he said something that seriously caught me off guard, “go on a date with me, and I will prove it.” I finished my martini and answered back, “Are you asking me out?” “If I did ask you out would you say yes?” He said with a smile. “I don’t know, you would have to actually ask me to find out.” I smiled back. We went back and forth with this tit-for-tat until I finally stood up and said, “if you want to know the answer you will have to find the balls to ask me out!  Thank you for a lovely evening.” I kissed him on the cheek, turned on my heels and left to get a cab. I noticed I was smiling when I got into the cab. The night ended in a way I never expected. I went home that night and slept like a baby, for the first time in a long time.

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee

When you are dating, or have any type of social life, it is important that you can take you look from day to night with ease. Over the years I have given clients, and various publications, countless tips on how to make this happen. Here are a few of my favorite pieces that make it an effortless transition!

 

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

A Kick Ass Shoe Trend!

No girl loves her heels more than me but, I have to admit I am warming up to the comfortable shoe trend!  I have been excited to see celebs embracing this fashion trend since, as we all know, it isn’t acceptable to wear something until the Hollywood set is wearing it!  This trend has even made it’s way to the red carpet.

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What is great about this trend is that you can still be sexy, cute and feminine while adding a dash of sporty to any look and the bonus is; you are ready to kick ass at any moment if need be!   Espadrilles, Converse, Toms, or Wedge High-tops all the designers, high and low, are joining the fun.   My favorite way to wear them is to pair them with skinny jeans and a t-shirt or a casual dress.

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Please note that this post is about “comfortable” shoes, that is not the same thing as the “ugly” shoe trend- those are not trendy, just ugly.

Here a few of my favorite comfortable yet fabulous shoes available now!

Stylishly Yours,

xx Keylee